How to Write the Perfect Eulogy

There is often a lot of anxiety surrounding writing a eulogy. People fear that they fall short of the perfect farewell. The truth is that eulogies come in many shapes and sizes. Whether you are giving the eulogy or writing it for your celebrant to read, this guide can help.

What is a Eulogy?

In simple terms, a eulogy is a speech. Eulogy is the funeral term that means speaking about the deceased. It gives those gathered a chance to learn more about the life. If you were a work colleague, for example, you might not know about their childhood. It is a way of gathering the guests together to listen, laugh and even shed a tear as they remember the person. The fear often comes from public speaking, which is why the celebrant is on hand. Family members often feel they wouldn’t get through the eulogy without tears. It is important to remember that people are not expecting a perfect speech, we are after all, human. Some people have the celebrant on standby to take over, and this is often all the support they need to get through it themselves.

So How do You Write the Perfect Eulogy?

Firstly remember the person. This might sound obvious, but people get so caught up in speech writing techniques they forget the personality of the loved one. You are only going to talk for a few minutes, but it can feel like forever, so preparation helps. A written copy should be on hand even if you don’t feel you need it.

An excellent place to start is at the beginning. Where were they born and what was the family like. If the childhood was traumatic or unhappy, you do not need to speak at length. Just enough to present the person to your guests. Note anything unusual, people can often be a twin for example, and it wouldn’t be known to everyone. The eulogy should be uplifting and remember the good. Everyone accepts that bad things happen, but this is perhaps not the place to discuss them. Was the person know for being clumsy and accident prone? Did they have a wicked sense of humour and become the mischievous joker in their social group.

Consider any achievements, from qualifications to marriages and children. Tell a story of what happened during this life. There is a sense of logic to sticking with chronological order. Some people prefer to talk backwards starting with where they are today going back to their childhood. Again there is no wrong, or right it is about what fits best for you.

Finding Information

Ask for memories from friends and family. If you are talking about their success as a boss, what anecdotes can staff tell you? If they were on a sports team or in a club, you are almost guaranteed to have material gold in the memories of those who were also there. It is ok to talk about times of adversity, from the angle of how they overcame challenges and pushed on. Hobbies, jobs, interests, plans and dreams can all form part of the eulogy.

It is ok, even if it is sad, to acknowledge something they were hoping for but never quite achieved. During recent funeral I attended, the son spoke of how his mother had looked forward to grandchildren. It is sad that she will not be here for this now. But rather than dwell, he acknowledged that her skills as a mother would have made her the best grandma ever.

If more than one person is going to speak, you should make sure you have worked together. Two similar accounts would not be appropriate. But you might want to allow someone else to take on a chapter of the life. Again, perhaps a work colleague can add something about the person at work, which even the family might not know.

If you quote dates or ages be sure these are accurate. People will get quite upset if you age them by a few years or misremember something.

A piece of music might be chosen to follow the eulogy, and you can explain this choice as your conclusion. Why have you chosen this music and why is it significant to the person?

Finally, try and allow yourself time to practice before you get there if you are going to be the one reading it. Having it printed word for word not only helps with nerves but easily allows someone to step in if you find you cannot continue.

A lasting keepsake

Some families like to include personal tributes and memories in the printed funeral order of service. Fitting Farewell have created hundreds of funeral order of service with a different theme. We work directly with families and also funeral directors. We have the expertise and skills to create the funeral order of service you want for your loved one. We can create a bespoke design, print and deliver within 3 working days.

Call us on 0800 612 6484, which is free from a landline, or email us via our contact form.